Why “More Support” Often Isn’t the Answer — And What Families Try Instead
If a student isn’t learning what they need during the 35 hours a week they spend at school, asking families to make up the difference at home isn’t support.
It’s pressure.
And for many neurodivergent students, it’s simply unsustainable.
The Problem Most People Miss
When schools say a student needs “more support,” what they often mean is more of the same:
Extra help using the same instructional methods
Pull-out services that repeat what hasn’t worked
Homework sent home with the expectation that parents will fill the gaps
But if a child isn’t learning to read, spell, or understand math concepts during the school day, increasing the dose of ineffective instruction doesn’t solve the problem.
It just shifts the burden.
These are patterns I see repeatedly when working with schools and districts—conversations that often surface in my work as an education keynote speaker on neurodiversity.
When the School Day Uses Up Everything a Child Has
One of the students I tutor was seven years old.
She wasn’t learning to read, spell, or do math in school.
She was already exhausted by the time she got home.
After a full school day, she was expected to:
Sit for tutoring
Practice the same skills
Try harder
Push through
But she couldn’t.
Not because she didn’t want to learn—but because there was nothing left to give.
Neurodivergent children often spend the school day:
Managing sensory input
Masking differences
Navigating transitions
Holding themselves together
By dismissal, they are done.
Downtime isn’t optional for these students.
It’s essential.
Why Asking Parents to “Do More at Home” Breaks Families
When learning doesn’t happen at school, parents are often asked to step in.
Without guidance.
Without training.
Without a change in instruction.
Parents are expected to:
Reteach content they don’t know how to teach
Drill skills that didn’t work the first time
Manage emotional meltdowns caused by exhaustion
“Fix” a problem they didn’t create
This leads to predictable emotions:
Frustration: “Nothing we do helps.”
Anger: “Why is this falling on us?”
Guilt: “Am I failing my child?”
And underneath all of it is fear.
Fear that time is being lost.
Fear that their child is falling behind.
Fear that they’re not doing enough.
The Question No One Wants to Ask
Eventually, I had to be blunt with this student’s parents.
I asked them:
Why is she spending 35 hours a week in a place that isn’t teaching her the most basic academic skills—then being asked to perform after school when she’s already exhausted?
It wasn’t said to shame anyone.
It was said because continuing down that path wasn’t helping the child—and everyone knew it.
Why “More Support” Fails When It Isn’t Different
Support only works when it changes something meaningful.
More time doesn’t help if:
The instructional method is outdated
The approach doesn’t match how the child learns
The goal is compliance instead of understanding
Pull-out services aren’t the problem.
Extra help isn’t the problem.
Unchanged instruction is the problem.
Real support requires instructional change. For instance, struggling readers require evidence-based support strategies that align with how neurodivergent students actually learn.
What “More Support” Actually Needs to Mean
For support to matter, it must be different, not just additional.
That means:
Evidence-based instruction, especially in reading and math
Teaching that matches neurodivergent learning profiles
Fewer barriers during the school day, so children aren’t depleted by 3 p.m.
Skill-specific intervention, not generalized remediation
Partnership with parents, not delegation to them
Most importantly, it means recognizing that:
If learning doesn’t happen during the school day, it cannot be expected to magically happen at night.
Why Families Try Something Else
When families look for alternatives—tutoring, homeschooling, hybrid models, or different schools—it’s rarely impulsive.
It’s a response to reality.
They aren’t opting out of education.
They’re opting out of ineffective persistence.
They’re choosing environments where:
Instruction works
Children aren’t constantly exhausted
Learning doesn’t require suffering first
A Different Measure of Success
The goal isn’t to see how much a child can endure.
The goal is learning that:
Builds confidence
Preserves energy
Respects neurodivergent needs
Leaves room for being a child
If “more support” doesn’t do that, it isn’t the answer.
Soft landing
Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do isn’t add more.
It’s stop—and ask whether what we’re offering actually helps.
