What Homeschooling Taught Me About Neurodivergent Learning (That No One Warned Me About)
When I started homeschooling my daughters, I thought we'd follow the traditional path. Hit the grade-level standards. Check the boxes. Just do it from home.
What I discovered instead changed how I teach, how I think about learning, and how I see my own kids.
What I Thought I Knew
Like most parents and educators, I'd absorbed a simple belief:
If a child isn't meeting grade-level standards, something is wrong.
That assumption drove our early homeschool years. I planned lessons, made schedules, and measured progress by the same yardsticks traditional schools use.
Then reality stopped looking so neat.
When Standards Didn't Fit
In math, my youngest daughter didn't just keep up. She flew.
For years, I held her back so she wouldn't outpace her older sister.
Once I finally let her go, she took off.
At 14, she was taking university-level math.
At 15, she broke the curve in a senior discrete mathematics course.
At 16, she's tutoring math majors — sometimes in material she hasn't even formally taken yet.
Her understanding is deep, intuitive, and beautiful.
Meanwhile, my oldest daughter, while brilliant in her own way, struggled with basic math facts. She'd learn them, then forget them the next day. Dyscalculia turned what should have been simple into a daily challenge.
And yet… she developed a grasp of geopolitics and history that has left college professors stunned.
This is the spiky profile of many neurodivergent learners: extraordinary strengths and real challenges, uniquely configured in each child.
The Moment Everything Shifted
It wasn't until both girls received formal diagnoses that I finally saw it:
I had been fighting their nature.
I wanted them to fit a mold instead of embracing who they actually are.
Once I understood that, I made three changes:
I stopped trying to "fix" their gaps.
I prioritized our relationship over arbitrary measurements.
I helped them feel confident in who they are — not just what they can do.
I also started questioning the standards themselves.
Who decided those lines? Why do we agree that they represent real learning?
One could argue everyone is exactly where they belong at any given moment. It's the observer who imposes the scale.
What I Tell Every Parent and Educator Now
If you're panicked because your child is "behind" where they "should" be:
Your child needs you to accept them for who they are.
Sometimes that means stopping the push and starting more questions.
Questions like:
What does this child love learning?
How does their brain naturally work?
What strengths can we nurture that the standards ignore?
These questions changed everything for us. They can for you too.
Rethinking Grade Standards
As a keynote speaker focused on neurodiversity, I've walked thousands of educators and parents through this same realization:
Traditional metrics often miss the real signs of human potential.
Neurodivergent learners aren't "off track." They're following a different track.
When we honor their path instead of forcing conformity, something shifts:
Learning becomes joyful. Confidence grows. Curiosity thrives.
A Personal Reflection…and a Call
This journey redefined what success looks like in our home. It still shapes my work on stages and in classrooms around the world.
I share it not to criticize traditional schooling, but to expand what learning can be.
We don't have to choose between:
Supporting neurodivergent learners
Honoring individual identity
Holding high expectations
We can do all three if we first accept that learning isn't linear, standardized, or one-size-fits-all.
Your child is not a checklist.
Your child is a human.
And they belong exactly where they are…with your curiosity, support, and acceptance.
Want more like this?
I write about neurodivergent learning, advocacy, and what actually works for kids who think differently. No fluff. No jargon. Just real talk from a mom and educator who's been in the trenches.
